11 November 2011

Not In Wonderland Anymore Alice

When vulnerability checks in. Seldom, but adequate amount in recent memory, too soon as I started recalling. It never should've left. It takes that one negative notion to plug into the inner beyond reach territory where I thought time has accomplished itself by erasing the rotten and sordid side. Just like I thought, a bell of reminder rings.

"Hi, remember me? I thought I lost you but you came back for me after all". By now I should know that tears cannot exist because it didn't, panting, I ran out of breath. Endlessly aching, unconsoled.

17 October 2011

daed sgniht

I'm so low I could do a 10 minute free-fall off the edge of a dime...

Never mind the amount of audacity I had to challenge gods free-will to protect, serve and cater to his faithful believers. The will to live is adjacent to my strength as fragility is too visible to conceal.

Bulletproof, the human body is designed to withstand all sorts of harm, it's designed to conquer and dominate. It heals itself so we could feel better, on the outside to you to everyone.

Unwind a few years back before all creative efforts was derided, there were these few good years I thought I had it good. That somehow neon bright lights, birds chirping, strangers smile was what I needed to get by. 

Things went for the twisted turns when you thought you had life figured out, as though I plunged into the ocean like I couldn't face another day, in this case another breath. Diving deeper seemed to be conclusively attractive. 

As far as one could go, I glared down at me wondered how I got this far how much I had conquered. Dying now proves much effort to stay alive for someone else. 
Who'd that be.

25 August 2011

Autumn Leaves

I write this because I'm fully healed. 

You don't know it for sure, do you?
Sure I do, I'm fine.
Your looks might be, but you're a utter mess inside. Complete chaotic.
Bitter and insensitive comments are not welcome but thanks.
So is your false pretence and waves of denial, you're welcome. Now listen to me.
You ought to, need to.
I don't want to.
Trust me.

19 June 2011

Sickness & In Health

How do we survive in this cruel world we were born into?
All that we wanted was to clear our heads, screw ourselves from time to time just so we could start over. 
Depletion of love, agony ignites. How do one get over when the world kicked you to the dirt after you peaked so high. 
Anytime now, leap forward to soar, to the edge of entity.
White spaces filled my heart, enormous strength grasped on my limbs, it is as steady as the worthless courage I possessed. 
When you get too upset, nothing is too upset. 

Inexorable anxiety, quit.

16 April 2011

Ruination Exchanged For A Rebirth

So troubled I needed to pray for someone else, through sufferings we all have predicaments of what is coming next. Dreams collapsed, the tallest tower tumbled the hardest the higher we built it. 
Why aren't you crying? Once in a while the world stares at each other souls to gain some perspectives, but why don't you sob, grief over the fact that people have lost faith as we have proceeded into the New World. Fluttered anxiety, may be about time to witness the greatest reality episode of our lives - manic devastation of our generation.
It's not so bad is it, ending.

3 April 2011

Just A Little Longer

Wide open space,
Between the trees and me,
Emptiness and me,
Confusion and decisions,
Feelings hard to define,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,

Coldness seeps
Its way in,
I am falling deeper,
Into what I fear most,
As I reach out,
There is nothing there,
As possible there was something once,
Only to be gone,
And I say to myself,
Just a little longer,  

Shimmering in the darkness,
I see two moons,
Reflecting off a stream of thoughts,
Ongoing forever more,
Along a rocky road,
Slowly giving in to finding a way out,
I take the plunge under the river,
Then the wind carries a whisper,
Gently on a breeze,
Just a little longer...
There's a place call home, waiting.

30 March 2011

You know

That feeling when you are on the verge of getting something but you are not sure if you are going to get it eventually. Just maybe you will, the depressing thoughts haunt you again and again and you think you might just lose it and then you start to question the Whys and Why am I not good enough to be stronger than frail. 
I feel sick.

6 March 2011

Dying Fire

The sun is shining but it's so far away.

Substantial theory's keep telling that your world will not come tumbling down into a spiraling mess, you know it too well. How easy would It be when you lick your bloody wound, and thought maybe you would feel lesser pain in a minute or two. Wondering, yes the pain may subside and so will your feelings, yet another feeling emanate so you could stay in love with sorrow.

For a little while, but less touchy warmth.

21 February 2011

Pliable Sheet of Tissue

The more I try to learn about myself, more unpleasant things seem to surface. It's true there are lunatics regard technology as religion, need to stay in touch, need to be on-the-go, need to express your mind on-the-go.

We stored so much information in our brains that it is so easy to save it on our gadgets as 'part' of our memory reliance. Carry personal identification numbers, private messages and passwords, Al Qaeda's code, all under the control of your fingers. The next step might just be Microchip implant that we could all inject into our skin.

Don't be surprise when Lucifer show up after we did, greet us with his sinister smile, as though he knew his plan would work, because human being are NEVER satisfied. No matter how fast we choose to walk, we will never slow down until we die. And that sounds pretty that I wonder how did people survive the 70s?

I hope I satisfy my fellow depressed souls.

13 February 2011


I wrote this in the dark, for the dark.

When craving stops, he left you in peace
I wonder if he ever cares
Gawk at the shadow that never returned
I slit my wrist, hoped for better tomorrow
But tomorrow never comes.

2 February 2011


You think it'll be the same without you right.

You broke my heart once, you can break it once more which you did. The thought of you not being there just freak me out, it sadden me what you can do. So insecure, so drunk, anguish make pretty. You are not making this easy to me.

I wish no matter where you are, you will remember the family you once had, It's just not the same without you.

Wish you were here.